Dignosis: Depression.

So I went to see TOUCHE AMORE last weekend at the Red Palace. I went to the show alone. You never really go to a show alone though, since you've got bros in the mosh pit, of course. In this particular case, my bros all had X's on their hands. It's okay with me to be the oldest at a show, since I've been the youngest at a show many many times before. And for anyone who likes the kind of music we like, age is just a number. Less than a number, even. Metal cuts across any and all dividing lines.

But yeah, one of the reasons why I listen to hardcore and screamo is because metal lyrics either suck or are unintelligible. TOUCHE AMORE lyrics really spoke to me. All those themes of isolation, etc. that you get with metal all the time, if you're paying attention. But at some point, I realized it was way more than that. Their singer has a ton of passion, where he'll scream with no mic, where he cares so much about the lyrics that he'll turn his back to the audience just to let his true emotions out.

But the lyrics are more than just depressing. He is legitimately depressed. I could see the sadness in his eyes. Just to prove it, I thought I would google "symptoms of depression" and cross-reference them with TOUCHE AMORE lyrics. Guess what! There are lyrics that prove every symptom. Here; listen to this song while you read:

mlim-cover Touche Amore - The Great Repetition

irritability, restlessness

I'll count the hours

Having just one wish

If I'm doing fine

There's no point to this.

--Honest Sleep

persistent sad, anxious, or "empty" feelings

That sinking feeling when you’re not yourself:

searching for a reason for some kind of help,

but all that comes is empty promises and feeling anxious and useless.

--Suckerfish

> I've got my own brand of patriotism. It comes with nights of emptiness, where I show my true colors. The real meaning of independence.

--Cadence

feelings of guilt, worthlessness, and/or helplessness

to look up to me is to look down on everything.

--Uppers/Downers

insomnia, early-morning wakefulness, or excessive sleeping

I'm losing sleep

I'm losing friends

--Honest Sleep

I say a drink might help me sleep, I say

I don’t sleep much at all these days, I say it’s cold,

Besides, I’m broken.

--How I Feel

difficulty concentrating, remembering details, and making decisions

At least we’ve still got time to figure it out,

To know what to do,

To know how to feel.

Why It Scares Me

fatigue and decreased energy

With our intentions at our worst,

we give away all our worth, and I am spent.

--And Now It's Happening In Mine

feelings of hopelessness and/or pessimism

My eyes are weak, so I could never focus on decisions that have left me hopeless.

--Always Running, Never Looking Back

loss of interest in activities or hobbies once pleasurable, including sex

There's a fear there's a point there is a problem

What if what I find won't solve them

And I wonder why I have no motivation

I guess I just answered my own question

--Art Official

overeating or appetite loss

Though I can't afford to eat as much as I would like to be

--Home Away From Home

persistent aches or pains, headaches, cramps, or digestive problems that do not ease even with treatment

my nails are dug deep and my stomach hurts

--Method Act

thoughts of suicide, suicide attempts

If you fantasize about your funeral I understand

I've been there before.

--Condolences

What's crazy is that I could actually come up with MORE SYMPTOMS for depression, based on TOUCHE AMORE themes, that the fucking DSM IV doesn't even touch on. Like, what about all the rock-bottom-hitting, numbness-feeling, friend-avoiding, pointlessness-of-life, noone-understands-me, diary-writing, apologizing, fear of the world? What about that? Fuck, this guy scores like 19 on an 11-point scale.


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