Published on December 16, 2010

author: Marten
date: 16/12/2010

I saw Love and Other Drugs this weekend. NOT METAL. I didn't realize it was a rom-com because...I'm an idiot? I didn't even see the trailer? I guess I knew Anne Hathaway is extremely attractive, and extremely naked in the movie?


Jake Gyllenhaal, too.

Here are some ways I would've made the movie more metal (spoiler warning):

  • Anne is not sick at all, just wants Alzheimer's drugs and antidepressants for recreational use.
  • Jake spends more time in the hi-fi store, maybe showing off some overpriced speakers to some metalheads, or at least A SINGLE DUDE IN THE MOVIE WHO MIGHT APPRECIATE A GUITAR RIFF, instead of cracking stoner jokes about big TVs and flirting with girls as if he ever walks around with a boombox on his shoulder.
  • In the movie, Jake meets Anne in a moment of openness and vulnerability; she's "putting it all out there", in stark contrast to the women Jake usually pursues, who are consistently frontin'. Instead of meeting at a doctor's office, Jake and Anne meet in a mosh pit, where Jake, clueless as to how to mosh properly, gets shoved into Anne, who is floorpunching and doesn't notice Jake stumbling towards her. The music turns to a spacey breakdown, a la Deftones or something.
  • Instead of using meaningless sex and alcohol to forget about the pain of being alive, Anne smokes a cig and does yoga stretches to SUNN O))).

Oh, I'm sorry, did I completely change the entire plot of the movie? Well, you're welcome. Fuck all the characters in this movie. Each one needs to look deep inside themselves, find their ugliness, and root it out. That's what metal is for.